What to write in a flower girl or ring bearer proposal: 25 messages to copy

A small child cannot be un-asked. Once a four-year-old has been told she is walking down the aisle, that is the plan as far as she is concerned, so the conversation about the dress, the travel, the late night and the nap goes to her parents first, quietly, before anything is handed over.

Then decide who gives it to her. The usual answer is you, in person, with her parents in the room. A proposal posted through the door works for an older child who can read it alone; a toddler needs somebody to read it to them and then explain what it means.

And put the date in it. A message with the wedding date written on it stops being a card and becomes a small record of who was asked, and when, which is the thing it turns into once the day is over.

If you are writing in a book for a birthday, a christening or a grandchild rather than a wedding, the same rules and thirty more lines are sorted by occasion here. Take a look

One idea, one sentence, said out loud. At this age the question is mostly the moment you ask it, so the words only have to be simple enough to say while kneeling down to her height.

"{name}, will you be our flower girl? You get to walk first, and everyone will be smiling at you."

"Will you carry the flowers at our wedding, {name}? We saved the most important job for you."

"{name}, we are getting married, and we need a flower girl. We picked you."

"Will you walk with the petals at our wedding, {name}? You can practise in the hallway first."

"{name}, there is a job at our wedding that only you can do. Will you be our flower girl?"

"Your mum and dad said yes, {name}. Now it is your turn. Will you be our flower girl?"

Old enough to understand what a wedding is and to be proud of having a job in it. Say what the job is, and say when it is, because "next summer" means nothing at five and a date on the fridge means a great deal.

"{name}, we are getting married on {date}, and we would love you to be our flower girl. It is a very important job."

"Dear {name}, every wedding needs someone to lead the way down the aisle. Will you be ours?"

"{name}, will you be our flower girl? There is a basket of petals with your name on it."

"To {name}: in this book you are brave. On {date} we need you to be brave once more and walk first. Will you be our flower girl?"

"{name}, in this story you are the hero. At our wedding you will be one too. Will you be our flower girl?"

"Will you be our flower girl, {name}? Read the whole book first. Then tell us your answer."

"{name}, we are asking you before almost anybody else knows the plan. Will you be our flower girl?"

An older child can tell a question from an instruction, and will notice which one you wrote. Give her a real choice and a real reason. At this age some families ask for a junior bridesmaid rather than a flower girl, so one line below uses that word instead.

"{name}, you have known us longer than most of our guests. We would love you to be part of the wedding as our flower girl."

"Dear {name}, we have a question, and it is not about homework. Will you be our flower girl on {date}?"

"{name}, we are getting married on {date}, and we want you at the front with us. Will you be our junior bridesmaid?"

"To {name}: you are old enough to remember this day for the rest of your life. We would like you right in the middle of it."

"{name}, will you be our flower girl? You are allowed to say no, and we will still save you the best seat at the party."

"Dear {name}, when you read this in ten years, you will know we asked you first. Will you be our flower girl?"

The ring bearer's job comes with a built-in story: something precious has to be kept safe until the right moment. Most boys of four to eight like being given a mission more than being given a role, so say it as one.

"{name}, will you be our ring bearer? Your job is to keep the rings safe until we need them."

"{name}, we need someone brave to look after the rings at our wedding. Will it be you?"

"Will you be our page boy, {name}? You get to walk down the aisle before almost anybody else."

"{name}, in this book you go on an adventure. On {date} you have a real mission: carry the rings. Will you?"

"Dear {name}, the rings are the most important thing at a wedding, and we want you to carry them. Will you be our ring bearer?"

"{name}, will you be our ring bearer? We will practise the walk together first, as many times as you like."

The dedication tool puts the child's real name into a line for you, if you would rather start from one of ours for another occasion and change it until it sounds like you. Take a look

On a card, the inside right-hand page. In a book, the first blank page rather than the inside of the cover, which is where labels and tape end up. Pen with pigment ink, not pencil, which rubs away with handling.

Put four things in it: the child's name, the question, the date of the wedding and who is asking. "From Auntie Sam and Tom" is findable in twenty years. "From the happy couple" is not.

In a Hero of You book the message is typed rather than handwritten, and it prints as the first page the child sees. There are three boxes: who it is to, the message, which can run to 400 characters, and who it is from. You fill them in once the book is unlocked, it costs nothing extra, and you can change it until you approve the print.

Once the date is fixed and her parents have said yes. Beyond that there is no rule, and a lot of what you will read online is a shop telling you when to buy.

The one thing worth knowing is how long a wait feels at each age. For a seven-year-old, being asked eight months ahead is a long, happy build-up. For a two-year-old, eight months is most of a lifetime, and the question will have to be asked again nearer the day anyway. If the child is very small, either ask closer to the wedding or plan to read the proposal to them again in the last few weeks.